Lady Gaga? I'm a free B*tch Baby...

Most of you probably never thought that I would be promoting Lady Gaga… but here goes… Last night at one of her sell out concerts she made a statement. She said “it is not fair to fight for your individuality SOME of the time. You need to be fighting ALL the time, every single day for your individuality”

What a fantastic statement. Having worked in counselling for some time, one of the most common causes of depression in clients is generally the result of incongruence between how the client perceives themselves to be, and how he/she feels he/she must act on a daily basis in there workplace and social life. No wonder people become depressed and disillusioned. It’s hard to fake it all day everyday.

Feeling like we have to conform to all different types of societal expectations can have a lasting and draining effect on the human psyche. From the clothes you feel you must wear to an interview, to the lines you feel you must say to get the job and then keep it… it’s a wonder we don’t all crash a lot sooner than we do.

So how can we avoid this? Do we just throw caution to the wind and go to work in flannel pyjamas and tell the boss he’s an +r+ehole? That’s probably not the best idea either.

It’s important that you choose to spend a certain amount of the day doing something that you believe in. It doesn’t matter whether it’s for financial gain or for emotional gain – you have to believe that something that you do in your day MATTERS.

It’s also important to have expressed yourself somehow. Whether you choose colours to wear that make you happy or you have a chat to a friend over coffee – sharing feelings with others is an essential part of your everyday happiness.

Sometimes its as simple as being true to your values. If you value sincerity then make sure at the end of the day you can identify having been seen as truthful in all your dealings: be they with colleagues, friends, family members…whoever! If you value compassion then show some empathy to at least one person you cross paths with in a day. If you love your friends then tell one a day that they MAKE your day.

I’m proud to be an individual but I also realise I NEED to be for my own mental health. Each day I think about my values and try to do a stock take of the things I have done that day which demonstrate I have “lived-out” those values. It’s amazing that even just starting that list can make me feel better immediately.

Remember you are not fair to yourself if you are only fighting SOMETIMES for your individuality. Fight for it all the time - every single day!

Love Lessons

I haven’t written for awhile and am neck deep in thesis writing but I felt I should share this article I wrote some time ago (around 4 years ago) with everyone.

Love Lessons

I was conducting parent teacher interviews recently. I was asked all the usual questions about how students were progressing with their studies and I would pinpoint areas that could be improved etc. Then it came time to chat with the mother of a boy, who, while being cheerful and happy, was not doing any work in my class at all.

His mother was quite irate and took notes vigorously on the things that she needed to tell her son to complete and submit. She said she was going home to have a long chat with him and to tell him to pull his socks up!

“I’m going to read him the riot act,” she said. However as she started to leave the meeting she turned around and said, “but at the end of the day, I’m going to love him, because that’s really all you can do isn’t it?”

Now I’m not a parent, but I know there was truth in what she said and I knew from then on, that her child would be successful. I replied “that’s exactly what I believe. I tell the students I love them too.” And I do, everyday I tell my students that I love them. Sometimes they look at me with bewildered expressions on their faces. Some will say “you cant say that, Miss, you’ll get in trouble” but the truth is, I have to love them, they need to be loved.

Why am I so certain of this? It is well established that love is one of the basic needs of life. When you have a new born baby, there is nothing but love. The baby is helpless by itself and can only grow and progress with the love of parents through providing food, warmth and touch. The baby needs this love 24 hours a day. Then as the baby starts to grow, each milestone experienced is dependent on the constant love from the parents. How much time is spent chatting away to a baby, pointing and identifying people and objects or encouraging baby to say his first words? How much love and attention is given holding hands and moving little feet, helping baby take his first steps? Many times when babies are neglected, their development is delayed. This is because a baby needs to feel loved, confident and secure enough to progress into the next stage of development.

However when I child becomes of school age, all of a sudden the tables are turned, Rather than being with the parents all day, now most of the waking hours are spent at school with strangers in unfamiliar surroundings and around unfamiliar faces. Certainly there is still love and security at home but what about school? From school age onwards, there are still so many milestones a child must face but this time without the parents presence – learning to read, learning to write, to spell, to calculate, share, compete etc. Now more than ever they need the love that they have left at home to help them through these milestones. This is why a teacher’s love is so important.

Most success stories you hear in life are based on love. Whenever you see a sports star or an actor achieving something wonderful they always thank their father, mother or partner for their constant love and support. They don’t say its through their studies or reading a book that they became successful. It’s through love that successful people are produced.

As a teacher, I strive to provide this love. I want the students in my classroom to feel love above anything else. If they can enter my classroom and feel that I love and support then I know that they will feel confident and secure enough to take on the challenge of a new activity, speak in front of their peers, try something new or share new ideas, This is how true learning takes place. This is the making of success.

So sure, my students look at me strangely sometimes when I tell them I love them. But I not that it means a lot to them. Just the other day when I was cross with one of my classes, a student called out, “But you still love us miss… don’t you?” I couldn’t help but break into a smile. I knew I was doing something right. He best lesson you can give a child is to appreciate how much they are loved – to feel love and to love others. After that, every other lesson is a breeze.

Those effected by the floods - we are here for you

The floods are effecting so many people in Australia at the moment. I am watching the television and am so emotional seeing not just the physical damage and loss of houses and memories and belongings: but I am especially emotional and speechless at the loss of lives of people: families and children... its devastating and my heart goes out to everyone effected.

I am also amazed at the courage of those people in need and the empathy of those not affected but who are giving a hand. Its heart warming to see such compassion and generosity... Australians are truly amazing people.

Experiencing loss is difficult for everyone and everybody - no one is exempt from grief. I don't have a lot to offer, but I am extending my services as a counselor for whoever might need them.

If you require loss or grief counseling or just generally need to talk about the current events or concerns you may have for the future or about things you have seen, please feel free to contact me. I am offering free phone, face to face or email counseling for whoever needs it. Please dont feel you have to tough things out alone.

My phone number is 0404 513 573. My email is tina.riveros@gmail.com

Take care everyone!