I have some clients that are experience extremely difficult situations in their lives and many times when we talk about what gets the down the most… the conversation seems to always revert back to the issues in their lives they have no control over: this is always what gets them down the most.
This is understandable. I’m a control freak and I hate the idea that so many things in my life are not just dependent on my actions but the actions of other people, be they work colleagues, family, friends or anybody!
An unexpected car accident… A work colleague having different ideas… A boss who is cranky… the weather… time interruptions… emergencies…. Whoa!!!
Quite often I have the feeling that everything is reeling out of control! Clients will come to me thinking that they can change things. They want to make things more within their control. How can I fix this? How can I bring things back to under my rule?
Unfortunately this is an unhelpful attitude. If I were to tell you that you can take control of absolutely everything in your life would really be just a big fat lie. You cant. Instead of changing the situation, in these circumstances, I find that its time to change my perception: to change my feeling.
Firstly I remind myself of the need to recognise and accept that there will always be things in life that can’t be controlled. That is just the nature of life and living.
Secondly, instead of adding up all the things I cant control in my life, I switch the focus and start listing the things that I can control. I try to make sure the list is a true list. I Include even the smallest of things that I have control over.
Thirdly, I take charge of the things I can control and start ticking them off my list. I am always surprised how good I feel once I start doing this.
For example, most people that know me know that I was living in a very small space for quite a number of years. I did not like unit living and the people in the units around me were very careless and dirty with the common areas. The body corporate were slack and would not send the cleaners or the repairers despite my constant harassing and I was becoming very depressed and angry about the situation.
I spent way to looking being upset and down... then it finally occurred to me I had to change my focus or I was just going to make myself sick. I could not move, so I had no control over where I lived and moving was not an option. I could not MAKE the body corporate do what they were supposed to do and send the cleaners. I realised that I was going to have to put up with a situation that was not ideal if I had to continue living there.
I decided to focus on something else. What I could control was my own space, so I listed ways I could make my unit and verandah look great. I also thought about what I could possibly do to make the common areas more tidy and safe. I bought a broom and swept away the debris and cleared some trees that were scratching some peoples cars. I also started talking to some other people to find out how we could go about changing the body corporate that wasn't really working for us.
I felt better immediately. Nothing had changed about the situation... only my focus had changed and it made all the difference. I felt like I had control. And for me that feeling is REALLY important... maybe its the same for you?
