Depression & Guilt... the Double Whammy!

A friend of mine recently expressed something to me that I think many people experience during down times and I wanted to share and talk about this openly.

She is having a bit of a hard time with her work at the moment and can feel quite a bit down. We can all relate to this I’m sure. However, while she is down, she then makes herself feel worse by saying to her self things like…

“I am being stupid… I have nothing to be down about…. There are so many people who are worse off than me… who have worse lives than me etc…”

This thinking, whilst sometimes can be helpful is often times more damaging.

My friend is not a selfish person: in fact she is probably one of the most selfless people I know. She is always looking out for other people and is conscious of how others feel.

It is true that there are always people who are worse off than us, but… there are always people who are better off as well. The important thing to remember is that it is not about those other people. Our happiness depends on us… not anyone else or their circumstances. If we feel down, it means there is something wrong that needs to be fixed/helped. It could be something as simple as needing some positive re-enforcement or something as complex as requiring medication or hospitalisation. Whilst we can all choose to be empathetic, compassionate and selfless, we are always the only star in the feature film of 'our life'. Other people don’t really feature in the feature film, so they cannot therefore be useful in the mending of our own torn feature film tape.

Beating ourselves up and making ourselves feel bad while we are already feeling down is just going to exacerbate the situation. Don’t feel guilty about realising that you are down - its our brain's way of telling us that something needs to be done to help ourselves.

We are all human beings worthy of help, happiness and love.
Let’s commit to:

• empathise with those that are in worse situations than us,
• accept that there are also those that are better off than us; and most of all
• to make sure we appreciate what we do have by ensring that if we aren’t feeling 100%, we all we can to work towards feeling happier and mentally healthier again…

... NO GUILT...!!!

New Year's Resolutions

I’m sitting at my computer tying up some loose ends and I just heard a news item saying that we shouldn’t make New Year’s Resolutions! I just had to write something about this.

What is the world coming to when we are being told that having hope and making goals is bad for us? How can this be?

The spirit of New Year’s Resolution is not a new phenomenon. It is something that has been around well before the calendar as we know it has been used. In fact in ancient pagan beliefs the summer solstice has always been a time for rebirth: for dispelling with the old and bringing in the new.

In fact I attended a summer solstice party and did exactly that. (Visit the Centre for Energy and Love to learn more about this http://www.meetup.com/EnergyandLove/boards/view/viewthread?thread=8266611) We burned our old thoughts, feelings and hang ups that we no longer wanted – and sent out a wish for the new, positive, healthy and beautiful for the new season.

It’s a rejuvenating and joyous feeling to think that we can close this short year long chapter of our lives and begin a new one. We can essentially remake who we are in many different ways.

For me, I like to make resolutions for all aspects of my life. I send my prayer out to the universe that for the new cycle I will have:

1. A healthy body image – I don’t wish to change the way I look but rather to change the way I feel about how I look. I resolve to be happy with the beautiful body I have and to cherish it more often that I have before.
2. Sound mental health – I wish to be happy and healthy and to be free from guilt, depression, grief or despair
3. Physical health – I wish that all my bodily functions continue to perform well and that I am fit and capable
4. Achievement – I wish to achieve at work and in my study and in my business endeavours
5. Beautiful relationships – I wish to maintain loving relationships with the people that matter to me and that I continue to appreciate them and cherish the time we have together

Resolutions can only be a positive thing. When I look at my list I feel hope for the new year and feel energised, ready to take on whatever awaits me: looking forward to life!

Making New Year’s Resolutions is like goal forming at a basic level. If we don’t wish for great things – how on earth can we hope to achieve them?

But if we reach for the moon – we are bound to fall amongst stars!

Stocktake - Counting Blessings

Its been a really tough couple of weeks... Fatigue has really set in as it does at this time of the year and the mood has been a bit low. Work is increasing in intensity and an injury prevents me from dancing and exercising as much as I'd like to. My dental problems are causing my mouth to feel like something has errupted inside it and my throat is hoarse and dry from talking. My husband barely remembers what I look like and it feels like I can not seem to fit all I need to into one day. Finances have hit an all time low, My PHD refuses to write itself and I'm about as close to being ready to start my own family as Anna Bligh is to winning a popularity contest!

"Stop and stocktake!" I said to myself. Its time to do an internal audit. We do this all the time at work but we often forget to do it on our personal lives and its just as important if not more so. So I'm stocktacking right now...

1. I have a beautiful husband who tells me I look gorgeous even when I know I have put on 10 kilos, have massive black rings around my eyes and look like I havent slept since 1992.

2. Even though I have no kids in sight of my own I have beautiful students at school many of whom I'd be happy to have as my own.

3. I have a beautiful Mum, Dad and sister that care about me and support me in any way they can.

4. I have friends and cousins that I can talk to and who always try to cheer me up when I'm down.

5. I have a job that I love doing and its permanent which means I can keep on doing it - this means so so much to me.

Wow... to be honest I really don't have a lot to complain about. In actual fact, I am blessed - even on a bad day or a bad week I am truly blessed. Perhaps I should stocktake more often and get a more accurate pespective on my blessings!

Hope you have a wonderfully blessed week and love to you all!

Being Sick

Its that time of the year, any it seems like everyone is either coming down with something, is flu-ridden, or is desperately trying to recover.

Its also a bad time of year for asthma, sinusitis, bronchitis and skin allergies

On top of all that it’s the worse time of year for mood swings.

So what can we do? Most times we can’t avoid getting sick: especially if we work with lots of other people.

What we can do however, is look after us: look after our health. After all what is more important?

So here are my simple winter blues tips for keeping healthy and mending quickly.

1. Now is NOT a good time to change anything. What do I mean by this? If you have been thinking of changing anything, i.e. diet, medication, food, routine… now is NOT a good time to do it. If you know you are prone to becoming ill in the winter months – then save big changes like that for when you know you are more likely to feel healthy and stable.

2. Take some vitamins. Honestly I didn’t believe it at first but I guess its just like everything and it’s a matter of finding what works well for you and what doesn’t. I take cod liver oil, a multi-vitamin, cranberry and Berocca each morning. My Dr mentioned its better to take the oil and the Berocca as they are in liquid form and can be absorbed more readily by the body if you are having absorption problems. I have find I am most healthiest when taking this combination.

3. Try to not become to run down. This is my biggest problem. I am so used to running around and doing lots of things at once, but I find that if I over-commit in winter – this is my undoing. Its just a matter of deciding what can be done and what cant and learning to say no. It’s a hard lesson – but a good one.

4. My last tip is a bit of an old saying for me – take the time to look after yourself. If you do become sick – try not to push yourself. Just allow your body its own time to recuperate. Often your body knows better than your mind what it wants and needs. Just allow yourself the time to rest and don’t feel guilty about it. Your body is priceless – it’s the only one you have and if it needs to rest – allow it to rest and it will mend itself in the quickest way possible. Other things can wait but your health cant and the longer you leave it and the harder you push it, the more harshly it will remind you that it needs a break and you will only end up more sick.

5. As for the mood swings, if you are prone tho them at this time of the year then visit with your doctor more regularly, and monitor your moods daily. Take care of yourself and your food intake, consult your therapist regularly and if you notice a significant change, contact your doctor immediately. Give yourself some time off and get some help. Use your systems. (I will chat more about systems later)

Well that’s all for today. Take care, stay healthy and have a safe winter.

Take Time

If we could save time, where could we keep it?

If we could keep time, when could we use it?

If we waste time, will it waste us?

are we too much like time impossible to define?

(Kate Miller-Heidke)

Do you ever feel like time is running away from you? Feel like there are not enough hours in they day? Days in the week? Weeks in a month? Etc?

I’m sure we are all guilty of time crimes… wasting time, hurrying time, passing time, saving time, making up time, wishing away time, calculating time, beating time and many other time crimes. Why is it that time seems to be such an elusive character? Why do we constantly look at our watches, shake our heads and monitor ourselves? Do we really understand the time enigma? Are we really sure that time even exists?

“If I only had more time”, is a phrase that I have uttered many times. “We don’t have time”, is something I have said to my husband many a time. My husband, being originally from Chile is such an amazing person in the sense that he seems to be one of those few people that do not succumb to the abominable accomplice in crime: Time… Over the years that we have been together I have learnt why his lifestyle is so much healthier than my own.

Time is a mathematical concept of sorts. It can be broken down like fractions into smaller segments. Just like you can divide a cake into pieces and then smaller pieces, so you can break down time into minutes and seconds, but at some point, after many divisions there will be no cake left… and time is the same.

Despite this, we continually try to beat time, or stretch it – or somehow fit in more than we can possibly do in any given fraction or segment of time. Why do we do this to ourselves? Obviously it can’t be done. The things we set out to do that cannot really be fit into the time we allocated are then obviously left unfinished or not done at all and then the stress starts.

I do this to myself all the time. I’ll be driving the car, knuckles turning white on the steering will under my tightening grip as I stare at the clock wishing and willing it to go backwards, knowing that minutes have already passed the time I was supposed to be there and… I’m still in the car! Its not that I don’t have enough time, or that time got away from me –No. I simply didn’t allow myself enough time.

Certainly there are always going to be times when being late is going to be unavoidable: but these times should not be the norm. If they are, then it is likely that you are constantly under unnecessary stress.

How can we ensure that we are under less stress? The answers are simple:

1. Don’t make appointments back to back – we are all guilty of this. Even if the appointment is at the same place, give yourself a little time to breathe and recover.

2. Always allow extra time for travel – one thing is for sure, Brisbane travel is a nightmare, so make sure you allow sufficient travel time and also a little more in case there is traffic – remember if you are early, there is always time to chill and have a coffee, but if you are late, there is only stress.

3. Make sure you have a maximum number of things to do in any one day and stick to your rule. Generally speaking, the more places you have to be in one day, the more stressful your life. Of course you can’t compromise on the things you must do, so work is the priority. If you are a parent, you most likely have commitments after work involving your children. The important thing to remember is not to over-commit and not to feel bad if you have to say “no”. If you become stressed to the point of not being able to function then NO commitments will be being met – so it’s better to have a plan and try not to deviate from it. I have a rule that I do not have to be at more than 2 places in any day. Work is one of those places, which means I can do one more thing after work, and that is all. So if I am asked to be somewhere else in any one day, I politely apologise and decline stating that I cannot make it due to other commitments and I try to re-schedule.

4. If you generally have a busy and hectic schedule, taking 5 minutes in the morning to make a plan at the beginning of each day a good way to make sure you are on schedule and less stressed throughout the day – so its worth waking an extra five minutes earlier and giving yourself peace of mind that you are on top of everything.

Well that’s probably enough for one day, good luck with time management! Remember, we cannot save, cheat or beat time, but we can always try to make the most of it. Make sure you enjoy your time!

Sometimes a Day is Just a Day

Do you suffer from the dreadful disease of perfectionism? I do. Many people call me a perfectionist and say it even sometimes in a half envious tone of voice – as if it is more gift than a burden – but for those of us who suffer with it – we know that it is definitely the latter.

Perfectionists are constantly stressed always striving for an outcome that is probably not realistic and often unachievable and constantly becoming disillusioned and disappointed when the unrealistic “perfect” expectations do not quite come into fruition.

A very wise colleague said to me recently “The truth of the matter is, there are no perfect days, there are just some days that run smoothly than others… and those days are the ones we should strive for… the others, well, they are the other.”

How wise… I felt immediately like a huge weight had been lifted. I didn’t need to expect my days to be perfect – that was no realistic. I just needed to hope and expect my days to run as smoothly as possible. By changing the focus from perfection to smoothness, my stress levels dropped dramatically.

For too long I realised that I keep trying to measure my days with 2 extremes… either perfect or disastrous – how unfair of myself…. Cheating myself of all the degrees of success in between!

So next time you catch yourself being too hard on yourself – just remind yourself – there are no perfect days – there are just days!

The Silly Season

Yes its that time of the year...

Some people say its wrong to call it the "Silly Season", but lets be frank - it can become awfully silly sometimes and for people suffering from mental illness it can often be the worst time of the year.

There are many reasons this year can mean massive mood difficulties for people. Holidays in themselves are difficult for people with mood disorders. A change in routine, even the slightest on,e can have drastic implications for some people: so its not surprising that a massive shift from working routine to no routine can play havoc with people's mental health.

Family time also makes Chrismas a difficult time. Whilst most people love their families, many are not used to spending so much time in confined spaces with their beloved family members and this can be quite a stressful experience. It has even been proven that the divorce rate is elevated at this time of the year because couples spend more time together than they are generally accustomed to, and as a result fight more and have more time to stew and think that there might be something wrong with their relationship: when in fact they are just very normal people!

Loneliness is also a problem for many at Christmas. Its hard for a lot of us with big families to imagine, but there are many people out there who do not have anyone. This is particularly true for those with specific mental illnesses - we all know what its like to have lost many special friends over the years due to incidences that have occurred during our mood swings.

The spending then of course is the icing on the cake! Many people at Christmas time feel compelled to spend money they quite often dont have on presents that really they dont need to buy. We all feel the pressure of having to buy presents for everybody we know and buying gifts these days, especially for children is by no means a cheap endeavour. Everyone seems to be playing keeping up with the Joneses and gone are the days when children were happy with a book or a cricket set for Christmas. What with playstations and mobile phones you can scarcely expect to get out of a present for under $200 and it certainly seems like the spirit of Christmas has become lost in the shadow of the Christmas loans that banks are constantly advertising and in which many are becoming caught.

So what is to be done? Good question - obviously we cant make Christmas disappear! But there are things we can do to make the season easier and endeavour to emerge unscathed by Christmas mania or blues or both.

Talk to your partner and communicate that its a difficult time and try to come up with a routine that makes the holidays easier for you to cope with. Plan each day in advance - don't leave too much thinking time.

Talk to your family, remind them that you love them and that you love spending Christmas with them but that you do need to be helped with the Christmas period and ask them to be understanding of your space when you are spending time with them so you dont feel pressured or stifled. Ask them to be careful of the types of questions and information they ask of you when around other family members or friends. Remind them that there are some things that are sensitive and uncomfortable to talk about in front of others i.e. sickness, time in hospital, not being able to work, not having finished things etc.

Dont be caught in the present trap. Either tell people straight up that you aren't financial enough to be extravagent with presents and you would prefer them not to be either. Or simply cook something or make something for those you love - the effort will be appreciated. Give a flower or a card or buy someone a drink. At the end of the day, your loved ones love you anyway and are not too worried about the type of gift you give them. The thought and the fact you have spend time with them will always be enough for those special people in your lives.

And lastly for those of you feeling lonely, its a hard time of the year and its especially hard as most people do spend time with their families so its heart-wrenching for those that dont have families or whose families are far away. Please dont spend Christmas by yourself. There are groups out there with other lonely people desperate to make a connection. Contact Grow in your area http://www.grow.net.au/ to find out how to meet these people. Contact a friend or an acquaintace for a catch up or a coffee. Send someone an email - send me an email - I'm always here and glad to talk.

Anyway, if I dont hear from you, have a very merry "Silly Season" and a bright and safe and "mentally stable" new year...