Expressive Arts and Mental Health

Lady Gaga? I'm a free B*tch Baby...

2011-08-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Most of you probably never thought that I would be promoting Lady Gaga… but here goes… Last night at one of her sell out concerts she made a statement. She said “it is not fair to fight for your individuality SOME of the time. You need to be fighting ALL the time, every single day for your individuality”

What a fantastic statement. Having worked in counselling for some time, one of the most common causes of depression in clients is generally the result of incongruence between how the client perceives themselves to be, and how he/she feels he/she must act on a daily basis in there workplace and social life. No wonder people become depressed and disillusioned. It’s hard to fake it all day everyday.

Feeling like we have to conform to all different types of societal expectations can have a lasting and draining effect on the human psyche. From the clothes you feel you must wear to an interview, to the lines you feel you must say to get the job and then keep it… it’s a wonder we don’t all crash a lot sooner than we do.

So how can we avoid this? Do we just throw caution to the wind and go to work in flannel pyjamas and tell the boss he’s an +r+ehole? That’s probably not the best idea either.

It’s important that you choose to spend a certain amount of the day doing something that you believe in. It doesn’t matter whether it’s for financial gain or for emotional gain – you have to believe that something that you do in your day MATTERS.

It’s also important to have expressed yourself somehow. Whether you choose colours to wear that make you happy or you have a chat to a friend over coffee – sharing feelings with others is an essential part of your everyday happiness.

Sometimes its as simple as being true to your values. If you value sincerity then make sure at the end of the day you can identify having been seen as truthful in all your dealings: be they with colleagues, friends, family members…whoever! If you value compassion then show some empathy to at least one person you cross paths with in a day. If you love your friends then tell one a day that they MAKE your day.

I’m proud to be an individual but I also realise I NEED to be for my own mental health. Each day I think about my values and try to do a stock take of the things I have done that day which demonstrate I have “lived-out” those values. It’s amazing that even just starting that list can make me feel better immediately.

Remember you are not fair to yourself if you are only fighting SOMETIMES for your individuality. Fight for it all the time - every single day!

Love Lessons

2011-07-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written for awhile and am neck deep in thesis writing but I felt I should share this article I wrote some time ago (around 4 years ago) with everyone.

Love Lessons

I was conducting parent teacher interviews recently. I was asked all the usual questions about how students were progressing with their studies and I would pinpoint areas that could be improved etc. Then it came time to chat with the mother of a boy, who, while being cheerful and happy, was not doing any work in my class at all.

His mother was quite irate and took notes vigorously on the things that she needed to tell her son to complete and submit. She said she was going home to have a long chat with him and to tell him to pull his socks up!

“I’m going to read him the riot act,” she said. However as she started to leave the meeting she turned around and said, “but at the end of the day, I’m going to love him, because that’s really all you can do isn’t it?”

Now I’m not a parent, but I know there was truth in what she said and I knew from then on, that her child would be successful. I replied “that’s exactly what I believe. I tell the students I love them too.” And I do, everyday I tell my students that I love them. Sometimes they look at me with bewildered expressions on their faces. Some will say “you cant say that, Miss, you’ll get in trouble” but the truth is, I have to love them, they need to be loved.

Why am I so certain of this? It is well established that love is one of the basic needs of life. When you have a new born baby, there is nothing but love. The baby is helpless by itself and can only grow and progress with the love of parents through providing food, warmth and touch. The baby needs this love 24 hours a day. Then as the baby starts to grow, each milestone experienced is dependent on the constant love from the parents. How much time is spent chatting away to a baby, pointing and identifying people and objects or encouraging baby to say his first words? How much love and attention is given holding hands and moving little feet, helping baby take his first steps? Many times when babies are neglected, their development is delayed. This is because a baby needs to feel loved, confident and secure enough to progress into the next stage of development.

However when I child becomes of school age, all of a sudden the tables are turned, Rather than being with the parents all day, now most of the waking hours are spent at school with strangers in unfamiliar surroundings and around unfamiliar faces. Certainly there is still love and security at home but what about school? From school age onwards, there are still so many milestones a child must face but this time without the parents presence – learning to read, learning to write, to spell, to calculate, share, compete etc. Now more than ever they need the love that they have left at home to help them through these milestones. This is why a teacher’s love is so important.

Most success stories you hear in life are based on love. Whenever you see a sports star or an actor achieving something wonderful they always thank their father, mother or partner for their constant love and support. They don’t say its through their studies or reading a book that they became successful. It’s through love that successful people are produced.

As a teacher, I strive to provide this love. I want the students in my classroom to feel love above anything else. If they can enter my classroom and feel that I love and support then I know that they will feel confident and secure enough to take on the challenge of a new activity, speak in front of their peers, try something new or share new ideas, This is how true learning takes place. This is the making of success.

So sure, my students look at me strangely sometimes when I tell them I love them. But I not that it means a lot to them. Just the other day when I was cross with one of my classes, a student called out, “But you still love us miss… don’t you?” I couldn’t help but break into a smile. I knew I was doing something right. He best lesson you can give a child is to appreciate how much they are loved – to feel love and to love others. After that, every other lesson is a breeze.

Those effected by the floods - we are here for you

2011-01-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

The floods are effecting so many people in Australia at the moment. I am watching the television and am so emotional seeing not just the physical damage and loss of houses and memories and belongings: but I am especially emotional and speechless at the loss of lives of people: families and children... its devastating and my heart goes out to everyone effected.

I am also amazed at the courage of those people in need and the empathy of those not affected but who are giving a hand. Its heart warming to see such compassion and generosity... Australians are truly amazing people.

Experiencing loss is difficult for everyone and everybody - no one is exempt from grief. I don't have a lot to offer, but I am extending my services as a counselor for whoever might need them.

If you require loss or grief counseling or just generally need to talk about the current events or concerns you may have for the future or about things you have seen, please feel free to contact me. I am offering free phone, face to face or email counseling for whoever needs it. Please dont feel you have to tough things out alone.

My phone number is 0404 513 573. My email is tina.riveros@gmail.com

Take care everyone!

Say NO to Bullying!

2010-09-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

Bullying... whether its in the workplace or at school, everyone comes into contact with it at some point in their lives.

Unfortunately in my job I have to deal with it on a daily basis between children, and then at a professional level, between teachers.

Sadly I've learned over the years that there are 2 types of people - those who like to bully - usually for bolstering their egos...and those who are prone to the bullying, due largely to a tendency to be over-compliant and to under-complain (yes I realise I'm inventing my own words...but its been a long week... so deal with it...)

The trouble is, that bullies rarely change, unless the tables are turned and they themselves are bullied, and this is unlikely to happen as those that are prone to bullying, do not have it in their nature to take on a bullying role in the first place... and so the bullying cycle subsists...

Whilst it may not be comforting whilst one is being bullied... it is important to remember that bullies have the following undesirable attributes:

1. Exceptionally low self esteem... think about it - if you have to hurt and belittle others to make yourself feel good...then you really mustn't have anything good going for you at all

2. Low to mediocre skill sets... The only way bullies feel they can make themselves look good to others is to stomp on people that are better than them. People who aren't bullies excel and shine on their own.

3. No genuine friends... if your only friends are those who feel safe around you because you beat up on others - then you must be a pretty lonely person right?

4. No moral standards... whether you are religious, spiritual agnostic or atheist... most people believe in "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you" or "kharma" or whichever other name you choose... the point being this is the lowest common denominator of any moral or belief system... bullies haven't even got that.

In the face of bullying it is easy to feel maligned and to want revenge... but revenge always comes at a cost - and its usually a cost to one's health or well-being... nothing is worth compromising on that.

Whilst I do not advocate in letting bullies "get-away" with their wayward behaviour, sometimes, when all decent and logical action seems to have failed I advocate making the decision that best serves the needs of one's health and mental well-being over anything else.

It may appear that the bully has won, and you may feel like you have lost... but realistically in the end bullies never win...

A lifetime of solitude and inadequacy is never a win, so whilst bullies think they have won... nothing can change the inadequacy they feel inside and so again they are unhappy... until they find the next person to bully... but its never enough,

But if you are on the receiving end of someone's bullying, sometimes placing yourself in a new environment, with new people with a different energy means a potential new start for you... to excel and shine all over again.. and you will... as you always do...

Its not important what others think, whats important is how you feel... and life's to short not to feel happy as much as possible.

Blessings to all those of you that shine on your own... and to the bullies out there (not that you would be reading this) but enjoy loneliness, inadequacy, mediocrity and darkness - you've got it and its no less than you deserve!

Losing Control?

2010-08-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

I have some clients that are experience extremely difficult situations in their lives and many times when we talk about what gets the down the most… the conversation seems to always revert back to the issues in their lives they have no control over: this is always what gets them down the most.

This is understandable. I’m a control freak and I hate the idea that so many things in my life are not just dependent on my actions but the actions of other people, be they work colleagues, family, friends or anybody!

An unexpected car accident… A work colleague having different ideas… A boss who is cranky… the weather… time interruptions… emergencies…. Whoa!!!

Quite often I have the feeling that everything is reeling out of control! Clients will come to me thinking that they can change things. They want to make things more within their control. How can I fix this? How can I bring things back to under my rule?

Unfortunately this is an unhelpful attitude. If I were to tell you that you can take control of absolutely everything in your life would really be just a big fat lie. You cant. Instead of changing the situation, in these circumstances, I find that its time to change my perception: to change my feeling.

Firstly I remind myself of the need to recognise and accept that there will always be things in life that can’t be controlled. That is just the nature of life and living.

Secondly, instead of adding up all the things I cant control in my life, I switch the focus and start listing the things that I can control. I try to make sure the list is a true list. I Include even the smallest of things that I have control over.

Thirdly, I take charge of the things I can control and start ticking them off my list. I am always surprised how good I feel once I start doing this.

For example, most people that know me know that I was living in a very small space for quite a number of years. I did not like unit living and the people in the units around me were very careless and dirty with the common areas. The body corporate were slack and would not send the cleaners or the repairers despite my constant harassing and I was becoming very depressed and angry about the situation.

I spent way to looking being upset and down... then it finally occurred to me I had to change my focus or I was just going to make myself sick. I could not move, so I had no control over where I lived and moving was not an option. I could not MAKE the body corporate do what they were supposed to do and send the cleaners. I realised that I was going to have to put up with a situation that was not ideal if I had to continue living there.

I decided to focus on something else. What I could control was my own space, so I listed ways I could make my unit and verandah look great. I also thought about what I could possibly do to make the common areas more tidy and safe. I bought a broom and swept away the debris and cleared some trees that were scratching some peoples cars. I also started talking to some other people to find out how we could go about changing the body corporate that wasn't really working for us.

I felt better immediately. Nothing had changed about the situation... only my focus had changed and it made all the difference. I felt like I had control. And for me that feeling is REALLY important... maybe its the same for you?

Depression & Guilt... the Double Whammy!

2010-01-18T20:49:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recently expressed something to me that I think many people experience during down times and I wanted to share and talk about this openly.

She is having a bit of a hard time with her work at the moment and can feel quite a bit down. We can all relate to this I’m sure. However, while she is down, she then makes herself feel worse by saying to her self things like…

“I am being stupid… I have nothing to be down about…. There are so many people who are worse off than me… who have worse lives than me etc…”

This thinking, whilst sometimes can be helpful is often times more damaging.

My friend is not a selfish person: in fact she is probably one of the most selfless people I know. She is always looking out for other people and is conscious of how others feel.

It is true that there are always people who are worse off than us, but… there are always people who are better off as well. The important thing to remember is that it is not about those other people. Our happiness depends on us… not anyone else or their circumstances. If we feel down, it means there is something wrong that needs to be fixed/helped. It could be something as simple as needing some positive re-enforcement or something as complex as requiring medication or hospitalisation. Whilst we can all choose to be empathetic, compassionate and selfless, we are always the only star in the feature film of 'our life'. Other people don’t really feature in the feature film, so they cannot therefore be useful in the mending of our own torn feature film tape.

Beating ourselves up and making ourselves feel bad while we are already feeling down is just going to exacerbate the situation. Don’t feel guilty about realising that you are down - its our brain's way of telling us that something needs to be done to help ourselves.

We are all human beings worthy of help, happiness and love.
Let’s commit to:

empathise with those that are in worse situations than us,
accept that there are also those that are better off than us; and most of all
to make sure we appreciate what we do have by ensring that if we aren’t feeling 100%, we all we can to work towards feeling happier and mentally healthier again…

... NO GUILT...!!!

New Year's Resolutions

2009-12-28T17:42:00.000-08:00

I’m sitting at my computer tying up some loose ends and I just heard a news item saying that we shouldn’t make New Year’s Resolutions! I just had to write something about this.

What is the world coming to when we are being told that having hope and making goals is bad for us? How can this be?

The spirit of New Year’s Resolution is not a new phenomenon. It is something that has been around well before the calendar as we know it has been used. In fact in ancient pagan beliefs the summer solstice has always been a time for rebirth: for dispelling with the old and bringing in the new.

In fact I attended a summer solstice party and did exactly that. (Visit the Centre for Energy and Love to learn more about this http://www.meetup.com/EnergyandLove/boards/view/viewthread?thread=8266611) We burned our old thoughts, feelings and hang ups that we no longer wanted – and sent out a wish for the new, positive, healthy and beautiful for the new season.

It’s a rejuvenating and joyous feeling to think that we can close this short year long chapter of our lives and begin a new one. We can essentially remake who we are in many different ways.

For me, I like to make resolutions for all aspects of my life. I send my prayer out to the universe that for the new cycle I will have:

1. A healthy body image – I don’t wish to change the way I look but rather to change the way I feel about how I look. I resolve to be happy with the beautiful body I have and to cherish it more often that I have before.
2. Sound mental health – I wish to be happy and healthy and to be free from guilt, depression, grief or despair
3. Physical health – I wish that all my bodily functions continue to perform well and that I am fit and capable
4. Achievement – I wish to achieve at work and in my study and in my business endeavours
5. Beautiful relationships – I wish to maintain loving relationships with the people that matter to me and that I continue to appreciate them and cherish the time we have together

Resolutions can only be a positive thing. When I look at my list I feel hope for the new year and feel energised, ready to take on whatever awaits me: looking forward to life!

Making New Year’s Resolutions is like goal forming at a basic level. If we don’t wish for great things – how on earth can we hope to achieve them?

But if we reach for the moon – we are bound to fall amongst stars!

Stocktake - Counting Blessings

2009-11-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

Its been a really tough couple of weeks... Fatigue has really set in as it does at this time of the year and the mood has been a bit low. Work is increasing in intensity and an injury prevents me from dancing and exercising as much as I'd like to. My dental problems are causing my mouth to feel like something has errupted inside it and my throat is hoarse and dry from talking. My husband barely remembers what I look like and it feels like I can not seem to fit all I need to into one day. Finances have hit an all time low, My PHD refuses to write itself and I'm about as close to being ready to start my own family as Anna Bligh is to winning a popularity contest!

"Stop and stocktake!" I said to myself. Its time to do an internal audit. We do this all the time at work but we often forget to do it on our personal lives and its just as important if not more so. So I'm stocktacking right now...

1. I have a beautiful husband who tells me I look gorgeous even when I know I have put on 10 kilos, have massive black rings around my eyes and look like I havent slept since 1992.

2. Even though I have no kids in sight of my own I have beautiful students at school many of whom I'd be happy to have as my own.

3. I have a beautiful Mum, Dad and sister that care about me and support me in any way they can.

4. I have friends and cousins that I can talk to and who always try to cheer me up when I'm down.

5. I have a job that I love doing and its permanent which means I can keep on doing it - this means so so much to me.

Wow... to be honest I really don't have a lot to complain about. In actual fact, I am blessed - even on a bad day or a bad week I am truly blessed. Perhaps I should stocktake more often and get a more accurate pespective on my blessings!

Hope you have a wonderfully blessed week and love to you all!

Being Sick

2009-08-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

Its that time of the year, any it seems like everyone is either coming down with something, is flu-ridden, or is desperately trying to recover.

Its also a bad time of year for asthma, sinusitis, bronchitis and skin allergies

On top of all that it’s the worse time of year for mood swings.

So what can we do? Most times we can’t avoid getting sick: especially if we work with lots of other people.

What we can do however, is look after us: look after our health. After all what is more important?

So here are my simple winter blues tips for keeping healthy and mending quickly.

1. Now is NOT a good time to change anything. What do I mean by this? If you have been thinking of changing anything, i.e. diet, medication, food, routine… now is NOT a good time to do it. If you know you are prone to becoming ill in the winter months – then save big changes like that for when you know you are more likely to feel healthy and stable.

2. Take some vitamins. Honestly I didn’t believe it at first but I guess its just like everything and it’s a matter of finding what works well for you and what doesn’t. I take cod liver oil, a multi-vitamin, cranberry and Berocca each morning. My Dr mentioned its better to take the oil and the Berocca as they are in liquid form and can be absorbed more readily by the body if you are having absorption problems. I have find I am most healthiest when taking this combination.

3. Try to not become to run down. This is my biggest problem. I am so used to running around and doing lots of things at once, but I find that if I over-commit in winter – this is my undoing. Its just a matter of deciding what can be done and what cant and learning to say no. It’s a hard lesson – but a good one.

4. My last tip is a bit of an old saying for me – take the time to look after yourself. If you do become sick – try not to push yourself. Just allow your body its own time to recuperate. Often your body knows better than your mind what it wants and needs. Just allow yourself the time to rest and don’t feel guilty about it. Your body is priceless – it’s the only one you have and if it needs to rest – allow it to rest and it will mend itself in the quickest way possible. Other things can wait but your health cant and the longer you leave it and the harder you push it, the more harshly it will remind you that it needs a break and you will only end up more sick.

5. As for the mood swings, if you are prone tho them at this time of the year then visit with your doctor more regularly, and monitor your moods daily. Take care of yourself and your food intake, consult your therapist regularly and if you notice a significant change, contact your doctor immediately. Give yourself some time off and get some help. Use your systems. (I will chat more about systems later)

Well that’s all for today. Take care, stay healthy and have a safe winter.

Take Time

2009-07-10T02:01:00.000-07:00

If we could save time, where could we keep it?

If we could keep time, when could we use it?

If we waste time, will it waste us?

are we too much like time impossible to define?

(Kate Miller-Heidke)

Do you ever feel like time is running away from you? Feel like there are not enough hours in they day? Days in the week? Weeks in a month? Etc?

I’m sure we are all guilty of time crimes… wasting time, hurrying time, passing time, saving time, making up time, wishing away time, calculating time, beating time and many other time crimes. Why is it that time seems to be such an elusive character? Why do we constantly look at our watches, shake our heads and monitor ourselves? Do we really understand the time enigma? Are we really sure that time even exists?

“If I only had more time”, is a phrase that I have uttered many times. “We don’t have time”, is something I have said to my husband many a time. My husband, being originally from Chile is such an amazing person in the sense that he seems to be one of those few people that do not succumb to the abominable accomplice in crime: Time… Over the years that we have been together I have learnt why his lifestyle is so much healthier than my own.

Time is a mathematical concept of sorts. It can be broken down like fractions into smaller segments. Just like you can divide a cake into pieces and then smaller pieces, so you can break down time into minutes and seconds, but at some point, after many divisions there will be no cake left… and time is the same.

Despite this, we continually try to beat time, or stretch it – or somehow fit in more than we can possibly do in any given fraction or segment of time. Why do we do this to ourselves? Obviously it can’t be done. The things we set out to do that cannot really be fit into the time we allocated are then obviously left unfinished or not done at all and then the stress starts.

I do this to myself all the time. I’ll be driving the car, knuckles turning white on the steering will under my tightening grip as I stare at the clock wishing and willing it to go backwards, knowing that minutes have already passed the time I was supposed to be there and… I’m still in the car! Its not that I don’t have enough time, or that time got away from me –No. I simply didn’t allow myself enough time.

Certainly there are always going to be times when being late is going to be unavoidable: but these times should not be the norm. If they are, then it is likely that you are constantly under unnecessary stress.

How can we ensure that we are under less stress? The answers are simple:

1. Don’t make appointments back to back – we are all guilty of this. Even if the appointment is at the same place, give yourself a little time to breathe and recover.

2. Always allow extra time for travel – one thing is for sure, Brisbane travel is a nightmare, so make sure you allow sufficient travel time and also a little more in case there is traffic – remember if you are early, there is always time to chill and have a coffee, but if you are late, there is only stress.

3. Make sure you have a maximum number of things to do in any one day and stick to your rule. Generally speaking, the more places you have to be in one day, the more stressful your life. Of course you can’t compromise on the things you must do, so work is the priority. If you are a parent, you most likely have commitments after work involving your children. The important thing to remember is not to over-commit and not to feel bad if you have to say “no”. If you become stressed to the point of not being able to function then NO commitments will be being met – so it’s better to have a plan and try not to deviate from it. I have a rule that I do not have to be at more than 2 places in any day. Work is one of those places, which means I can do one more thing after work, and that is all. So if I am asked to be somewhere else in any one day, I politely apologise and decline stating that I cannot make it due to other commitments and I try to re-schedule.

4. If you generally have a busy and hectic schedule, taking 5 minutes in the morning to make a plan at the beginning of each day a good way to make sure you are on schedule and less stressed throughout the day – so its worth waking an extra five minutes earlier and giving yourself peace of mind that you are on top of everything.

Well that’s probably enough for one day, good luck with time management! Remember, we cannot save, cheat or beat time, but we can always try to make the most of it. Make sure you enjoy your time!

Sometimes a Day is Just a Day

2009-05-01T02:35:00.000-07:00

Do you suffer from the dreadful disease of perfectionism? I do. Many people call me a perfectionist and say it even sometimes in a half envious tone of voice – as if it is more gift than a burden – but for those of us who suffer with it – we know that it is definitely the latter.

Perfectionists are constantly stressed always striving for an outcome that is probably not realistic and often unachievable and constantly becoming disillusioned and disappointed when the unrealistic “perfect” expectations do not quite come into fruition.

A very wise colleague said to me recently “The truth of the matter is, there are no perfect days, there are just some days that run smoothly than others… and those days are the ones we should strive for… the others, well, they are the other.”

How wise… I felt immediately like a huge weight had been lifted. I didn’t need to expect my days to be perfect – that was no realistic. I just needed to hope and expect my days to run as smoothly as possible. By changing the focus from perfection to smoothness, my stress levels dropped dramatically.

For too long I realised that I keep trying to measure my days with 2 extremes… either perfect or disastrous – how unfair of myself…. Cheating myself of all the degrees of success in between!

So next time you catch yourself being too hard on yourself – just remind yourself – there are no perfect days – there are just days!

The Silly Season

2008-12-21T16:57:00.001-08:00

Yes its that time of the year...

Some people say its wrong to call it the "Silly Season", but lets be frank - it can become awfully silly sometimes and for people suffering from mental illness it can often be the worst time of the year.

There are many reasons this year can mean massive mood difficulties for people. Holidays in themselves are difficult for people with mood disorders. A change in routine, even the slightest on,e can have drastic implications for some people: so its not surprising that a massive shift from working routine to no routine can play havoc with people's mental health.

Family time also makes Chrismas a difficult time. Whilst most people love their families, many are not used to spending so much time in confined spaces with their beloved family members and this can be quite a stressful experience. It has even been proven that the divorce rate is elevated at this time of the year because couples spend more time together than they are generally accustomed to, and as a result fight more and have more time to stew and think that there might be something wrong with their relationship: when in fact they are just very normal people!

Loneliness is also a problem for many at Christmas. Its hard for a lot of us with big families to imagine, but there are many people out there who do not have anyone. This is particularly true for those with specific mental illnesses - we all know what its like to have lost many special friends over the years due to incidences that have occurred during our mood swings.

The spending then of course is the icing on the cake! Many people at Christmas time feel compelled to spend money they quite often dont have on presents that really they dont need to buy. We all feel the pressure of having to buy presents for everybody we know and buying gifts these days, especially for children is by no means a cheap endeavour. Everyone seems to be playing keeping up with the Joneses and gone are the days when children were happy with a book or a cricket set for Christmas. What with playstations and mobile phones you can scarcely expect to get out of a present for under $200 and it certainly seems like the spirit of Christmas has become lost in the shadow of the Christmas loans that banks are constantly advertising and in which many are becoming caught.

So what is to be done? Good question - obviously we cant make Christmas disappear! But there are things we can do to make the season easier and endeavour to emerge unscathed by Christmas mania or blues or both.

Talk to your partner and communicate that its a difficult time and try to come up with a routine that makes the holidays easier for you to cope with. Plan each day in advance - don't leave too much thinking time.

Talk to your family, remind them that you love them and that you love spending Christmas with them but that you do need to be helped with the Christmas period and ask them to be understanding of your space when you are spending time with them so you dont feel pressured or stifled. Ask them to be careful of the types of questions and information they ask of you when around other family members or friends. Remind them that there are some things that are sensitive and uncomfortable to talk about in front of others i.e. sickness, time in hospital, not being able to work, not having finished things etc.

Dont be caught in the present trap. Either tell people straight up that you aren't financial enough to be extravagent with presents and you would prefer them not to be either. Or simply cook something or make something for those you love - the effort will be appreciated. Give a flower or a card or buy someone a drink. At the end of the day, your loved ones love you anyway and are not too worried about the type of gift you give them. The thought and the fact you have spend time with them will always be enough for those special people in your lives.

And lastly for those of you feeling lonely, its a hard time of the year and its especially hard as most people do spend time with their families so its heart-wrenching for those that dont have families or whose families are far away. Please dont spend Christmas by yourself. There are groups out there with other lonely people desperate to make a connection. Contact Grow in your area http://www.grow.net.au/ to find out how to meet these people. Contact a friend or an acquaintace for a catch up or a coffee. Send someone an email - send me an email - I'm always here and glad to talk.

Anyway, if I dont hear from you, have a very merry "Silly Season" and a bright and safe and "mentally stable" new year...

Its all About the Music

2008-08-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

There is a song on the sound track to Quentin Tarantino's movie Kill Bill 2 that is called "Urami Ibushi". I have absolutely no idea what this means, or at least, I HAD no idea until I googled it (gotta love google). But this song really moves me. Obviously the lyrics were not resposnsible for my having been so moved by the song- because originally I didn't understand them. However something compels me, everytime I hear this song, to sing along (obviously in made up lyrics that dont make any sense) or even sometimes to dance along to it.

If you haven't heard it, give it a try, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV8JlNdcOEs its a beautiful song and the singer has a really expressive voice, even though I didn't have a clue what the lyrics meant, I felt as though I understood the song, and that by singing along (in my own words) I must have been expressing something beautiful and happy from within me. Am I crazy (wait don't answer), or does that happen to you too?

It hasn't just happened to me with that song, but with many. Even before I met my husband (who is chilean for those that don't know him) I had already established an inexplicable attraction to Spanish music. Now I know that there are many people like me who have experienced the same thing. How do I know? When Julio Iglesisas firt came to Australia during Expo he performed to a sell out audience on riverstage and only a small percentage of all those people who went to see him would have understood the lyrics as almost all his songs were sung in Spanish! There were people cheering, singing along, some even crying, and yet they didn't know if the words were happy lyrics or sad lyrics, they just felt it from the music.

For me this is just proof that music definitely impacts the spirit in ways that we simply do not understand. So whats the point of the story? Making music that you enjoy a part of our everyday routines may have effects on us that we arent aware of. I'm not a doctor, nor am I a scientist, but I do know that music can effect me in strange and beautiful ways, so I am very selective about when and where I have certain types of music. My alarm in the morning plays me a certain type of music. The CD in the car on the way to and from work plays another. When relaxing in the evening a different one - and another still when chilling on Saturday morning.

It surpised me then, talking to some people, that they can go the whole week and not listen to any music! If you are feeling down, try integrating a little more music into your life and see if it lightens your spirit just a tiny bit. But a word of warning... do be careful about your music choices.... Those of you who have been long term battling with depression will understand that some choices can enhance your depresssed mood - be sure to choose music that you are reasonably sure will lift your soul and not the other way around. Throw out the heavy metal and coutry western CD's and load up the music that really calls to you - even if you dont understand the words!

"Move" Your Way to a Better Mind Frame

2008-06-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

We so often underestimate the value of movement or physical activity. If were not feeling well, if were down, depressed or tired, we lack the motivation to exercise when really exercise is just the thing we need.

An overactive mind so often goes with an underactive body. We need to fight our mind's desire to remain static and compel our bodies to undertake some form of movement.

Many people say that you feel better as soon as you start exercise. I do not believe this. There is no quick fix for anything - so I certainly dont believe that if you start exercising all your problems are going to disappear. I am much of a realist. It is quite likely that the first time you do move, you dont feel any better at all. Maybe even the 2nd time - or the third. It is only once it has become a habit that you find you may even enjoy particular forms of physical activity.

Obviously I prefer dancing to any other form of movement. You will never find me at a gym or playing a team sport. However recently I realised the need I have for more cardio-vascular activity (which dance doesnt always provide as rehearsals are very much stop and start). So I began walking/jogging with my husband.

To be honest the first time I did it, I didnt enjoy it at all - I couldn't wait to get back home and plop myself on the couch. The 2nd time was much the same - in fact for about a month it was like that... sometimes I even dreaded going, and I often thought I just lacked the energy to do it. But now ,about 3 months into this exercise program, I really look forward to our walks. I like the exercise, I like the wind in my face and I enjoy our time together. I also feel a lot better for it.

Similarly a couple of weeks ago, I had committed to a gig at the restaurant at which I often sing. I had received some shocking news that week and so i was tired, lacking energy and motivatiion and Iwas in absolutely no frame of mind to even sing to myself let alone perform for others. But I had committed, and I couldnt let the band down.

The start of our performance was a little bit low as I had expected. However as we gradually moved through the evening I found that the singing and dancing that I was doing was slowly making me feel a little bit better. I was a little bit less anxious and found that I had some energy that I didnt think I had before. By the end of the evening I was feeling a whole lot better and almost ready to face the world again.

I often forget just how much of an impact dance and exercise does have on my moods. I find that I often say over in my head, "Overactive mind - underactive body," and it helps me keep my "movement" on track.

Tips for Dealing with Grief

2008-06-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

I know this is not strictly an expressive arts issue but its definitely a mental health issue and one that is close to me at the moment...so here goes.

Grief is something we all have to deal with at some point in our lives: there is no escaping it. Some have to face it more often than others, some have to face it younger than others. Everyone's experience of Grief is different, but it is the same sentiment.

Grief can be defined as: Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement. Losing a loved one is one of life's saddest experiences. Whether you lose a parent, a friend, a child or a lover, the mental anguish you feel is deeply intense: so intense that, to a point, you may feel as though you are aching both mentally and physically.

Everyone experiences it, but everyone experiences it differently. Some people cry. Some people try to be around family and friends. Others immerse themselves in work, some take time out on their own.

If you are suffering from a mental illness, the loss of a loved one can mean, not only a period of grieving but may also mean a massive mood change for the worse if you are not careful. Obviously if you already have a vulnerability to depression or mood swings, something like an unexpected death can be enough to push you over the edge. You need to look after yourself.

Whatever your experience is, there are ways to help ease the hurting a little during the difficult period and help maintain mental stability.

1. Cry. Cry and dont be afraid to. Its the body's natural way of releasing the sad emotion. It is healthy and natural to cry. You can cry by yourself in your own time and in your own way, or you can cry with others grieving with you, and you can share the emotions together.

2. Talk. Many people have difficulty doing this following the loss of a loved one. Its almost as if its to painful to do. But humans need to release what they are feeling inside. Tell someone you feel sad/angry/confused/frustrated. It is good for you to get it out, and no one is going to judge you for it.

3. Find your support network. You need people who understand what you're going through. Someone that will hug you, take care of some things for you, or even just sit there with you. Everyone needs a support network in life: its human nature to need contact with others, but it is especially important that you have your support in times of grief.

4. Keep photos. This sounds silly, but I can tell you that after the death of my two most loved ones, I put all their photos away - I couldn't bear to look at them. I didn't realise at the time that by doing this, I was only prolonging and delaying the grief to another time rather than living through it. Keep photos of your loved one around and if you see them and cry: then cry. Its your right and you are meant to miss them ,so let your body show that it does.

5. Re-kindle your faith. If you practice a religion or have a faith of some description, then re-visit your beliefs about the role of death in the overall scheme of things. Think about how your loved one and you fit into the greater picture and find some comfort in the fact that there are energies bigger and greater than we can possibly understand - but we are all a part of them.

6. And of course you knew it was coming... Play music. My family would not allow us to play music after the death of someone as it was thought to be disrespectful - but this couldn't be further from the truth. Music is soothing for the soul. Even now when I hear certain songs, I immediately think of my uncle and in some ways I find it really comforting, like he is still with me.

7. Do something physical. You need to keep those feel-good hormones pumping through your body. Go for a walk or do something that requires movement. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen was a scene from the movie Evita. Just after it was announced that she had died, there is a scene in a bar where the couples were dancing a beautiful slow dance with their heads on each others shoulder, to beautiful music, mourning their loss together. I think this is a healthy way to grieve - the mental and physical combined.

Obviously there are many more things you can do to help you deal with grief. If you have some suggestions, please feel free to add comments below.

In the meantime, my sweet Amy, you are dearly loved and will be sorely missed.

Do You Have Trouble Sleeping?

2008-06-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

I do! I always have. For me sleeping has always been a problem. I've never found it easy to go to sleep or to stay asleep. When I was a child, it didn't matter so much - it seems that children have an endless supply of energy, but as I've gotten older, its become more and more of a problem.

Lack of sleep can take its toll both physcally and mentally. Physically, your reflexes can become slower, your body can ache and your eyes become sore, heavy and dark. Mentally, you can become irritable, sad, even depressed.

Most people are aware that 6-8 hours sleep a night is what is required to maintain a healthy lifestyle. However, this needs to be 6-8 hours of good quality sleep. If you are waking constantly, tossing and turning, going to the bathroom or having to get tea/milk, then chances are, you are not getting the quality sleep that you need, and it could be effecting your mental health.

Obviously, there are a number of things you can do to help with sleep, some of which you most likely already know - but lets go over them anyway.

1. Try to keep your bedroom exactly that - your bedroom. Don't bring work into the bedroom. In fact try not to have the TV in the bedroom either. Your mind needs to know, that when you go to that place - you go there for one purpose only: and that is to sleep. So keep your bedroom as your sleeping place only.

2. Make sure your bedroom is comfortable. If you are going to sleep for a good 6-8 hours, you need to make sure that your room is entincing. Make sure you like your bed and that it feels comfortable. Have pillows that are soft and comfy so that you want to rest on them. Have curtains that make the lighting in the room just right for you.

3. Eliminate excess noise. Sometimes this is not an easy thing to do. I live on a main road, so that does make things a little difficult. If you can afford it, consider soundproofing your room. If not, you can arrange to have extra thick curtains or special blinds that dull the noises, which might make it more bearable.

3. Keep some water by the bed. This means that if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you do not have to get out of bed to get a drink. You have a better chance of falling back to sleep if you dont get out of bed, so try to avoid this if possible.

4. Try placing some lavender on your pillow. Lavender is meant to be soothing and helps you relax. Or even try another scent that you enjoy. The olfactory sense is the most amazing sense and it has been proven that scents can evoke all different sorts of emotions. If you find a particular scent that makes you feel happy or relaxed, then this might just put you in the right frame of mind to fall asleep.

5. Check your breathing. Many people suffer from poor sleep because of sinus problems. Waking up gasping for air is very disruptive to your sleeping pattern. Don't delay, see a doctor about keeping your breathing difficulties at bay. The same goes for snoring. If you snoring is disrupting your sleep, the consult a GP or a pharmacist to see what can be done.

6. Of course my favourite: have a CD of music that you find especially relaxing. Set aside at night 10-15 minutes where you lay in bed listening to this music. This is your time to relax and it tells your body that sleep time is on its way. If you wake in the middle of the night, and you can't get back to sleep, you can always start the CD again. This is a technique that does wonders for me.

Finally, if you have tried all these methods and perhaps many others, you really need to take some action. Sleep is too important to let go for too long. If you continue to have problems, then you should consult a specialist. There are actually sleep clinics that you can visit where specialists monitor your breathing and sleep throughout the night. It is possible if you have tried endless techniques and you still cant sleep, that you have a sleep condition which might require special attention. Don't neglect yourself - check it out!

In the meantime, I hope these few tips help you improve the quality of your sleep.

Good night and pleasant dreams!

I Want to Live Like Animals

2008-05-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

This may sound silly but do you remember the Savage Garden song from quite a few years ago now that said, "I want to live like animals, careless and free." Well, this was a beautiful song and while I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day it occurred to me that there are some fundamental differences in feelings between animals and humans that make us less likely to be "careless and free," so to speak.

While animals feel pain, pleasure, fear and love (some would debate this, but I am sure from my own experiences with my cat that they do feel love), there are two emotions animals lack: guilt, and regret.

It is true that humans are capable of some of the strongest and most beautiful emotions like love and trust, but the flipside is that regret and guilt are both very strong emotions too, and if we do not keep them in check, theye can become hugely self destructive. If only we could learn to have no regrets like the animals. If only somehow we could make our brain understand that at any point in time in our lives we make the best decision we can with the knowledge that was available to us in that situation.

If we only understood that hindsight is useless and self-berrating. We always do whatever we can with the circumstances available to us at our then present time. If we fully understood this, then we wouldn't need to regret because we would know that we did what we could. and nothing less. However, unfortunately we are obsesssed with hindsight. We become obsessed thinking about the past and what we think we should have done, we waste time regretting our actions or worse - feeling guilty about them, which is not only pointless, but also a waste of our precious time and is damaging to our emotional well-being.

When you find yourself regretting something, or feeling guilty - please try to remember: there are no wrong decisions in life - there are just experiences and lessons to be learnt. Please lets all try to live a little "like the animals," and set your soul free.

Paniyiri

2008-05-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

This weekend is Paniyiri weekend! For those of you that haven't a clue what I am talking about, Paniyiri is Greek for "festival." So this weekend is Greek Festival weekend in Brisbane!

Ever since I was a kid I've loved, enjoyed and looked forward to Paniyiri. Most years I either dance or sing, many times the same repertoire as the year before.

One of my friends asked me how I can still be enthusiastic after more than 20 years of attending. I thought about this question and I asked myself, "What is is about Paniyiri that year after year makes me excited and happy?" "Is it the food?" Sure the food is great, but its not the drawing point. "Is it the Greek wines?" Hmmm, the Greeks aren't really the best wine makers! Surprise surprise, its actually the music!

At Paniyiri, a live band plays all my favourite Greek songs - new and old, and the atmosphere created by the live band - up there high on that big stage - is incredible. And its not just me that feels it. Every year I watch (and dance with) hundreds of non-greeks on the big grassy dance floor. They haven't got a clue what the song lyrics mean or how the dance is danced, but they feel moved by the music and the atmosphere and they feel compelled to dance. Its a wonderful thing to witness - so many people so happy and feeling so great that they just want to move.

That is what brings me back ever year.

So if you live in Brisbane, and you've got nothing else planned this weekend, head down to the Paniyiri at Musgrave park and have a dance - you'll feel so much better for it!

Singing for the Soul

2008-05-08T15:37:00.000-07:00

The band that I sometimes sing with asked me to sing last Friday night at the restaurant at which we often perform. I had had a hectic week from hell and, come Friday afternoon I still had a squillion things to finish before I could call it a week.

Yes, I was tired, in fact, that's probably an understatement: I was exhausted. However, eventually I went home and started getting ready for the gig at the restaurant.

My husband came home and saw me getting ready, despite my fatigue and weariness, and he asked me why I bother going to sing at the restaurant. He said, "You are hardly paid anything for it, and its not like you need the work." All of what he said is true.

However, if I were singing merely for the money - well, I would probably never sing! I explained to him that he had missed the point entirely. I dont sing because I'm paid to: I sing because it makes me feel wonderful.

Have you ever noticed that when you are particularly happy that you whistle, hum or sing a tune? It is no coincidence: happiness and singing are interrelated. Singing can lift your spirits. It is liberating and satisfying as you are using your very own unique instrument to make your very own music. If you have a voice, then you have the potential to be a musician! What a gift!

But apart from making you feel better, Doctors have also advocated singing for health, saying that it encourages good posture and deep breathing. So really, its almost a form of meditation. If you have ever been in your car, or in the shower or in your room and you have played and/or sung the same song over and over again, you will understand just how meditative music can be. When you are listening to, and singing a song that you love, you are thinking about nothing else but the lyrics and the sound that you are producing. Two of the purposes of meditation are to establish a good breathing pattern and to make the mind focus on one thing only, at the exclusion of everything else. This is an exact description of me when I'm singing - and for many of you too, I imagine.

To read about the benefits of singing for mental health, check out this article by Wendy Moore published in The Observer. And finally: just keep on singing your way to good mental health!

Making Music

2008-04-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

A psychiatrist that I was once talking to said to me,

"Tina, do you ever wonder why none of my clients are ever musicians?"

"No, why?" I thought to myself, and the answer was really a simple one. Making music is really creative therapy, so musicians basically receive therapy as a full time job! How wonderful is that!

But thats not to say that no one else can benefit from such therapy as well. Everyone has the ability to make music. A good friend of mine who was very shy, decided he wanted to have singing lessons, and his confidence changed dramatically just after a few lessons. My mother, has no background in music but she loves to sing and to listen to music.

A few weeks ago I was really in a rut. The office was bringing me down - long hours at work and not much fun. Then a friend of mine invited me to watch his band play in the evening. I was reluctant at first because it was far away and on work night, but I decided to go. And WOW... I had forgotten just how uplifting it is to watch live music! By halfway through the act I was clapping and singing along and I felt energised and rejuvenated. Why had I let myself go so long without live music!

I've made a rule to go every Thursday night - That should kick start the weekend nicely!

Do something you're NOT good at - live outside your comfort zone

2008-01-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

I have this bumper sticker on my car, it says... "Do something you are not good at - live outside your comfort zone."

I had to remind myself this morning why I originally purchased this sticker. Far too often in life we find things that we are really good at and stick to doing just them. Most of us fall into this trap. I so frequently hear people say, "Oh no, I don't dance, I'm not good at dancing." I often am guilty of the same... especially when it comes to group sport!

Whoever said life was limited to things that we are good at? That could make for a very boring existence! Surely life isn't just about doing things that we are good at over and over again? Its about enjoyment and trying new things, gaining new experiences.

I was forced to take some of my own advice this morning. I had become quite apprehensive about the course I had enrolled in to do this week. Its a ballet summer school which will concentrate largely on intesive technical study, something I have not undertaken for quite some time and was never extremely good at (although I always enjoyed it). Given the nature of this course, I will no doubt be the eldest by far (at least by 10 years) and the largest in the class. I will also most likely be the least experienced as it has been sometime that I've focused on my ballet technique.

I was having second thoughts about it this morning before I hopped in my car to go to work, and then I saw my bumper sticker and thought, "You love these classes!" Remember last time you did it how much fun it was and how invigorating it was to be around young people. It doesn't matter if you're not as good as the others. If you were perfect you wouldn't need to go anyway and it wouldn't be any fun because you would have nothing to learn!"

I'm starting to think my $3.00 bumper sticker was a good investment!

Dance like no one is Watching!

2008-01-10T16:07:00.000-08:00

Last night I danced as if no one was watching! Yesterday was a particularly low day for me. Nothing in particular had triggered my low feeling...it was just one of those days: end of the week; fatigue; energy low; too much time in front of the computer; some of my projects not moving as fast as I'd like; not enough time spent with loved ones... I was down.

I arrived home with the energy of a stick of glue! Fortunately for me, my husband shares my love of spanish music and had a new flamenco CD playing. It was a CD that mixed old and traditional sounding flamenco songs into new style dances and it immediately made me want to move.

However we live in a small apartment with very little space once the lounge and TV were placed. I stepped tentatively onto the balcony (which faces a very busy main road) and I thought, "what the heck" - I flung my arms into the air and stomped around my little balcony as if I were dancing the streets of seville! And boy did it feel great!

We've all heard the saying: "Work as if you have no money, love as if you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, and live each day as if its your last..." well I'm dancing like no one is watching...and I'm working on the rest!

Enjoy!

2008-01-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

Despite the fact that I advocate Dance as an artistic form of expression above and beyond anything else, the fact is, I am a trained dancer as well which means that I have gone through years of formal, technical training (especially in ballet). Anyone who has undergone such training will understand the importance of perfecting technique above anything else - the training is rigid, tough and inflexible: but is a vital part of a dancer's journey. (And we all love it)

Last night I attended the last part of a 3 night course of Flamenco dancing in which we were privileged enough to have a flamenco artist from spain instruct us. Admittedly I struggled with the bulerias and the timing and I'm sure I had a puzzled look on my face for most of the time as I tried to make my feet move quickly enough to the fast and syncopated rhythm and I was constantly frustrated with my inability to perform the steps perfectly.

It was at one of these points that the teacher turned to face us and said, "I had hoped by now you would be enjoying the dancing, but you are not. You are all worried about the steps and thinking what is coming next and you are not enjoying it. Remember, dancing is about enjoying and feeling the movement - just move and feel beautiful - the steps will come - this is flamenco!"

I breathed a sigh of reflief. This is what I always say, and yet in the heat of the moment, in the class, I had once again become a young perfectionist, caught up in technique, but lost all feeling. I remembered quickly why I had come to the workshops and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the class: despite my completely messed up footwork!

Teaching and Expressive Arts

2008-01-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

This morning I read a great article about teaching gifted students (check out the article at http://www.ronit.baras.com/ and it inspired me to write something about teaching through movement.

For many, dance is a creative art that is limited to those who who have a particular interest in dancing/performing. But this is such a limiting interpretation of the usefulness of the art. Not only is it a great form of self expression, it is also something that is wonderful to incorpoate into teaching which will appeal to kinsesthetic and visual learners alike.

In a year 8 Japanese class, we learnt a famoous Japanese song that had a simple dance to go with it. There's no question about it, the new vocabulary was more easily acquired when accompanied with movement.

But it wasn't just the quick learning that took place that was so wonderful about it; it was the enjoyment that the students had from the lesson that really convinced me to use dance more often. They laughed at themselves and at each other and me while we danced and asked if they could be videod! I then had some very keen students who wanted to have a dance off!

It really is a great way for students to express themselves. No technical knowledge is required - just a willingness to move and a good sense of humour!

Let it all Hang Out!

2008-01-06T16:54:00.000-08:00

How many times have I used the expression, "Can't wait to go home and unwind," or "Can't wait for the weekend to let my hair down!" When I say this, I tend to mean it more literally than perhaps the average person. I'm currently working a job where I'm sitting all day and looking at a computer: this is hard for a kinesthetic person. I literally feel like my whole body has been clamped up the entire day!

But its not just my physical body that has been clamped up the entire day... If 80% of all communication takes place through body language, and I've been unable to move all day, then I have not been able to express myself for the whole day! That's 8 hours of under-expression for me! So when I say that I'm going home to "unwind" and "let my hair down," I really mean it!

I literally "let my hair out" pick out some music that reflects how I feel, and I just dance. At this point in the day, its really important for me not to do a set dance - it has to be improvised, it has to be exactly what I feel like doing at the time. Whatever movement I feel like doing, I just let it out. This is how I tell my day's story. This is how I say, "Gosh, it was a busy day!" Gee that person annoys me!" "I hate my computer!" etc. I'm sure I look completely ridiculous some days - but it feels wonderful, its both relaxing and energising at the same time: and its a way of letting go.

Finished off with a long stretch and a hot shower and I'm ready for whatever the evening brings!